CrossRoads Farm

A Sweet Moment

22 November, 2005 - 3:51 pm

I have been known, on occasion, to overreact.

Sometimes I yell at the kids for no real reason except that I’m frustrated and/or hormonal.

When I do that – I always try to check myself. Then I apologize to the kiddos and explain that I wasn’t really angry at them.

On Saturday, the Chickies and I went shopping to three pretty boring places. They were fairly well-behaved so I let them get a couple boxes of Skittles Bubble gum. When I handed the boxes to them in the car I told them not to eat it all at once.

H didn’t technically eat it all at once – but it was gone by suppertime on Saturday. So Sunday, when K still had gum, H appealed to D for more gum. They went around in circles over the issue of fairness. H didn’t want to see that they’d started out with the same amount and the only reason she didn’t have anymore was because she’d eaten it all the day before. She was sure that the only fair way to handle the situation was for D to give her more gum. She lost the argument and was pretty upset with D.

Yesterday, K still had some gum, H was upset and came to me for justice. “It isn’t fair that she still has gum and I don’t.” And so I started Sunday’s conversation over again. “You sound just like Daddy!”
”Well, that’s because Daddy was right.”

She lost it. She started yelling at me. “You are being mean and I don’t like it! It isn’t fair that K gets to have gum and I don’t! It will be fair when you give me more gum!!” She wagged her finger at me and raised her voice even louder.” And now my feelings are hurt and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

She stomped out of the room, passing K – placidly chewing gum – on the way out.

K said, “The gum thing again??”

I nodded and turned to the sick to wash my hands. I needed to go have a little chat with H over yelling at mommy.

I had just picked up the dish towel when H came back into the room – crying.

”Hey,” I said, “what’s the matter?”

H dissolved into sobs, “Mommy, I am so sorry for yelling at you. I shouldn’t yell for no reason. It isn’t nice and I shouldn’t yell at my mommy. I'm sorry mommy"

It was so sweet. So amazing that she would recognize the behavior and know exactly what to do. I grabbed her up in a hug and told her how proud I was of her for being a big girl.

D asked me if I gave her gum as a reward.

I did think to. But I decided against it. The point was that she did the right thing – not for gain, but because it was the right thing. I felt somehow that treating her with candy would diminish the lesson in some way.

But I am damn proud of her.

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