CrossRoads Farm

Obsessions, Confessions, and a Suggestion

21 January, 2006 - 8:06 am

My life is, and always has been, a series of obsessions. Not over people – although I have had my moments – I mean activities and interests. Something might catch my eye in a book or on TV and I run with it – suddenly I need every book in the library on the subject and it occupies my every waking thought. Examples??
Egypt
decoupage
altered books
the Westminster Dog Show
Luge
archaeology
a guy I knew
the internet
Johnny Cash
football (thought that tends to happen on a seasonal basis)
anthropology
baking
Diablo (the video game)
genetics
a different guy I knew
journaling
painting
Mailing lists
photography
the Amish
gardening
occultism
sewing
drawing
burning CD’s
A guy I thought I knew
Sim City
making a home inventory
decorating
chatrooms
Firefly (the now defunct TV show)
writing fiction
writing non-fiction
writing pornography (I won a contest once – ahem)
Shakespeare
herbalism
a guy I know now.

Ok, you get the picture.

In my world-view the only sin is boredom.

The most wonderful and at the same time most frustrating thing about me is that I can’t settle myself into any one thing. Any rule needs exceptions of course and that’s where D and G come in. I love them – more than my own life. I know that sounds corny and stupid- but it’s the truth so there it is.

This little journal has been a stand-out among obsessions. It has lasted much longer than my other interests. For a while there I was writing everyday. Then I learned how to make changes to the look and I didn’t have time to write everyday but I tried to keep current. When we thought we were moving to a new house I had changes already in mind – the title, the page color, the links were all going to be different. Then that fell through and here we sit through this endless mud season (it is 42 degrees out at 7 am in the middle of January – That’s 50 degrees warmer than it should be) waiting for house season to start again and praying that we can find something before we have to spend another winter in this place.

But I digress – I have simply abandoned the computer. Most of the time it isn’t even running. I used to be on mailing lists – lots of them. Then I found one I really liked and dumped all the rest. I swear to you I can’t imagine where I found the time to read between sixty and one hundred e-mails a day every day. Do you see that list of “people I read’ to your immediate left?

Here’s the truth.

I don’t. Not anymore. I am simply not here long enough. I get on line only to shop for something specific, pay a bill, add titles to my Netflix queue and possibly read an e-mail or two. A you know what – It’s liberating.

I’m not on mailing lists any more. I’m on one list. A private list I founded for a very exclusive group of people. People I have actually met – that love me anyways. Heh. Our mail volume is four e-mails a week. Give or take. Why? Well because we are busy. We know what color our sky is on any given day. I can say things to these people and they listen and they don’t judge and they don’t ask me later if I made it all up.

What color is your sky today?
The sky is very seldom just plain blue – and snow is almost never white. But to know that you have to go outside and look. This muddy morning my sky is a delicate shade of ‘sky-blue pink’ as my Grandfather C used to say. A half moon is setting over a roiling mass of gray clouds. The tops of the clouds are splashed with pink from the sun I can’t yet see over the ridge. It’s beautiful. And different every morning and every afternoon when I take Jack for his walk.

Go outside and look.

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